Thursday, September 26, 2013

Football Recap: Wisconsin 41 - Purdue 10 - Surprise!

All week, I've been trying to work up the stamina to write this lousy recap.  I mean, how many times can I come up with a different way to say "they sucked"?  And why does it seem like Kirk gets to write the recaps of all the exciting games?  I mean, we basically alternate weeks - surely I must be making that up, right?

This year's game had as many Purdue fans watching at the end on tv as last year's game had in the stands (above)

Let's take a look at the last two years worth of games, split into 4 categories (the first two of which are fun/easy to write about)...

Big/Exciting Wins
Eastern Kentucky (Kirk)
Eastern Michigan (Kirk)
Indiana (Kirk)
Iowa (Kirk)
Marshall (Kirk)

Exciting Losses
Notre Dame 2012 (Erik)
Notre Dame 2013 (Kirk)
Ohio State (Erik)

Ugly/Crappy Wins
Indiana St (Erik)
Illinois (Erik)

Ugly/Crappy Losses
Cincinnati (Kirk)
Michigan (Erik)
Minnesota (Kirk)
Oklahoma St.  (Kirk)
Penn St. (Erik)
Wisconsin 2012 (Kirk)
Wisconsin 2013 (Erik)

Here's what we learned from the above analysis that I'm sure nobody cares about:
  1. Kirk has had 4 bad recaps to write.  This is my 5th.  At least that's fair.
  2. However, Kirk has gotten to write EVERY SINGLE big or exciting win recap in the last two years.  There haven't been many, but can someone throw me a bone here?
  3. I will go to great lengths to try and prove that I'm being screwed.
So, what to say about this one?  For fun, let's try and fill in the template I created last year in my really lazy Penn State recap and see if it still works.  I'm going to actually start in the second quarter, with Purdue down 14-0.

Purdue came out strong and scored a    touchdown (followed by a field goal)   on their first drive.  The Boilermaker defense then did their best impression of a sieve and gave up     27      points in a row.  Meanwhile, the starting quarterback, Rob Henry acted like he only practiced the first drive all week and was should have been replaced in the third quarter.  The Boilers then couldn't even scored against the 4th string defense to make the score a little less lopsided.  Coach Darrell Hazell (underlined for potential future games) acted like he's never won a Big Ten game (which is actually true) and Offensive Coordinator John Shoop remained defiant in his superiority cluelessness over all offensive minds in college football.  Somehow, these guys have been so bad that Defensive Coordinator Greg Hudson and his can't even force a 2nd-down CFL defense goes yet another week without getting the majority of the blame.  Purdue has now lost    2    straight games.

Wow, that worked pretty well!  Unfortunately, this is not a good sign that progress is being made.

Here's what annoyed me on Saturday:
  1. Watching this one knowing I had to write a freaking blog post about it.
  2. Kirk warned us about Beau Allen.  His ugly mug showed up numerous times on my tv and his hair was mesmerizing.  
  3. Anyone watching ABC-HD on AT&T U-Verse in the Cleveland area (me) could not legitimately watch the game in HD.  Maybe more people had a problem than just this small (but very important) segment of the population, but the sound was synced up a little over 1 second earlier than the video.  While this doesn't seem like a huge problem to someone who didn't experience it, there is nothing more annoying than hearing a whistle blow as the running back gets handed the ball.  So, I had to watch in standard definition.  Luckily it was so blurry that I was able to pretend I was watching a game from the Colletto years.
  4. This was the third straight year the Boilers gave up more than 350 yards rushing to the Badgers.
  5. Purdue hasn't lost by less than 21 to Wisconsin since 2005.  Wisconsin comes to visit West Lafayette in 2014.  Will any Purdue fan be duped into buying a single-game ticket for this one?  I know I'd avoid that game like the plague...who wants to see the Boilers get blown out again?  
  6. I knew Purdue wouldn't cover the spread, but I was too lazy to look up the actual spread before sending Kirk my pick.  So now my perfect record is ruined.  Kirk, on the other hand, is now a miserable 0-4 against the spread. 

Things that made me happy on Saturday:
  1. This was the first time I ever saw the Pennzoil commercial that calls a car a "babymaker".  It's such a standard car commercial that it made both my wife and I do a double take..."did they really just say babymaker?"  Thank goodness for DVR...they definitely said "babymaker".  This totally cracked me any commercial that makes you look up from what you're doing to pay attention to it is clearly doing something right.
  2. Those few minutes after Ricardo Allen's interception where it looked like Purdue might tie it up after playing a horrible first quarter - that's what keeps me watching.
That's it.  Not a lot to be happy about.  The good news is that Kirk's doing this week's recap, which means at least there's a chance of a big or exciting win!

Boiler Up (and Go Tribe)!

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